Knowing Myself

So as I have been writing, I realized that there are still a lot of things about me I would like to change.

For Example:
I feel like I don't know how to be a girl sometimes.  I don't do the mani/pedi thing, I don't keep my hair up or keep my eyebrows plucked...hell I don't shave my legs as often as I should.  I've never been good at this stuff, can't blame motherhood as much as I want to.  My sister-in-law Diane is gorgeous and seems to always be kept up.  I wish sometimes that I was more like her, or that my mom had shown me how to be glamourous.  I hate feeling like the dumpy one in groups.  I do think I'm beautiful, but I think I don't show off my potential ever.

Alot of this stems from an event in high school where a guy followed me home and badness insued.  Nothing horrible happened, but it was enough to scare the hell out of me.  I started wanting to hide and feel like I still haven't really gotten over it.  I am afraid of being noticed for my appearance...but I think I have reached the point also, where I am tired of being invisible.